Port: Corrupt A Wish!

[hugeblank]

Everyone is familiar with the game started by lyqyd on the original forums so I probably don't NEED to go over the rules, but for the sake of redundancy:

Here's another fun one. In each reply, you state a simple wish and grant the wish of the person above, but add a restriction or other caveat that corrupts or undermines the point of their wish, in a humorous manner. Here's an example:

I wish I could fly.

Reply:

Granted, but you can only fly a foot off of the ground.

I'll start us off...

Thanks lyqyd, but no you won't :P

I wish I could write flawlessly efficient code.

[Zyor]

Granted, but your code will only run on a PDP-11...

I wish I could select, copy and past multiple lines of code in the cc advanced computer in minecraft.

[hugeblank]

Granted, but the default charset when pasting is EBCDIC, literally corrupting your wish.

I wish I had a pet chinchilla.

[osmarks]

Granted, but the chinchilla hates all humans and will attack them mercilessly.

I wish for all future wishes made by me to be interpreted as I intend.

[hugeblank]

Granted, your intentions change to support how the user responds to your wish. Nice try though.

I wish I could have a lifetime supply of free IHOP breakfast meals.

[khuxkm]

Granted, but it's burgers and not pancakes.

I wish I could be more of a help in the communities I leech off ofam a part of.

[Alex]

Granted, but you'll only receive potatoes instead of krists.

I wish I could write code with only a click

[osmarks]

Granted, but the code is not for what you actually wanted to do.

I wish for the ability to grant wishes as the wisher intends.

[informer]

Granted, but the true goal of the wish is obfuscated to the wisher rending their intentions undeterministic.

I wish for carpal tunnel syndrome.

[hugeblank]

Granted, a van of people repeatedly go under a wide bridge. _{(carpool tunnel syndrome)}

I wish my sound system was better looking.

[wiredbrother]

Everyone is familiar with the game started by lyqyd on the original forums so I probably don't NEED to go over the rules, but for the sake of redundancy:

Here's another fun one. In each reply, you state a simple wish and grant the wish of the person above, but add a restriction or other caveat that corrupts or undermines the point of their wish, in a humorous manner. Here's an example:

I wish I could fly.

Reply:

Granted, but you can only fly a foot off of the ground.

I'll start us off...

Thanks lyqyd, but no you won't :P

I wish I could write flawlessly efficient code.

You beat me to it! Haha xD

[KingofGamesYami]

Granted, but the sound quality is terrible.

I wish dan200 accepted pull requests.

[Nothy]

Granted, now all PRs are accepted

I wish my parrots could talk.

[osmarks]

Granted. They talk constantly.

I wish for all wishes, present and future, including this one, to be interpreted as the wisher intends.

[Nothy]

Granted, but a̡͉̱̫͇̭̻̜͆̒ͭl͇̭͚̻͋ͬ͊ͬ́ͅl̽̽̐́ ̺̣̥ͣ̇w̿̉̍̂i͍ͥ͆̋͂s̺̃͋ͪ̌̇ͯhͫ͌̽ͮe̝͙͖ͦ̆̉͑͛ͯ̐ͅs̞͈̖͍ͬ̾̀̑̕ ̼̠̙ͤ͛̅g̨̯̳̪̓̆̇͗r̥͛͋̍ͤ͒a̼̘̝̘̙͓̍ͦ͌̉̓̓̀n͒̓͏t̺̟̍̆́̓̊͆͒͢


I wish for infinite wishes.